Permanent link for It's okay to be okay and it's okay to not be okay on May 4, 2020

Several people in my life have recently shared that when the pandemic crisis surfaced, they rose to the occasion and made this stay-at-home, quarantine thing work. Their adrenaline helped them make some changes fairly quickly, and they adjusted to this new way of living. They ate healthy, they started a new exercise regimen, they created a schedule for themselves, and they stayed positive. In some ways they were pleased and surprised about how well they coped.

…………………And then they hit a wall. The adrenaline ran out. The novelty wore off. There were way too many exercise videos, sad news stories, “life hacks”, video chats, new recipes. It was too much. They got tired.

Some days we are okay and some days we are not. If we were not okay before COVID, we may be struggling even more. Or maybe we took it as a challenge to establish a healthier lifestyle but it has been difficult to stay consistent. If we were positive, glass-half-full people before COVID, we may be having difficulty staying positive. Or some days we might be feeling just fine, but nobody else around us is, and they don’t want to hear about it—so we feel isolated.

If you can relate to any of the above, here are three things you might consider:

1. First, it’s important not to judge ourselves, no matter where we find ourselves on a given day. It’s okay to be okay or to not be okay. The important thing is to accept yourself and the circumstances exactly as they are in this moment (look for mindfulness resources on our website). If you are experiencing pain, it’s a normal, human tendency to push those feelings away. That strategy works when it’s time to take your hand off of a hot stove—it doesn’t work with emotions. The more we try not to have an emotion the more we have it. While we are trying to pretend the pain is not there, the pain is in the parking lot doing push-ups and getting stronger.
2. Acceptance is counter-intuitive. If I accept my pain, isn’t that the same as giving in to it? Fair question. Acceptance allows us to interact with pain in a different way. We develop the ability to observe it, noticing how it ebbs and flows. We might become curious about where it comes from and how it might motivate us to make some changes. It might point us towards a wound that needs healing. In the end, pain is part of the human condition and part of us. If we reject the pain, we reject a part of ourselves.
3. Use pain as a cue to treat yourself a little kinder. If you had a friend who was going through the exact same thing, what would you say to them? What would you do to comfort them? How would you try to validate their feelings and let them know that what they are experiencing is normal? Can you begin to experiment with talking to yourself in the same, kind manner? Can you begin to validate your own feelings and find ways to comfort yourself? This is called “self-compassion”. (Check out the resources for self-compassion on Kristin Neff’s website

- Les White, LMSW, CAADC

Posted on Permanent link for It's okay to be okay and it's okay to not be okay on May 4, 2020.