Kirkhof Center Wall Gallery, Allendale Campus
October 18, 2024 - March 14, 2025

Open During Building Hours.

Michigan-based mixed media artist Ruth Crowe debuts her uniquely personal and heartily relatable collection of layered stories inspired by her 40 years of collecting her personal stories in “The Journal Project.” This collection reflects back on moments of bigotry, injustice, trauma, relationships, and self-acceptance. Ruth's stories, though deeply her own, are also all of ours.

Access the audio of Ruth reading the written narrative for each piece via the QR code under each piece in the gallery. That code will take you to a Spotify playlist of the audio and also a theme song for each piece.

“The Journal Project” can also be viewed in its entirety on Ruth's webpage: www.ruthcroweartist.com

I started keeping a journal in 1979 during my sophomore year in college. At first it was just a place to write down quotes or poems I enjoyed, but quickly became my refuge for the next 43 years and counting. In that time I have written, created and accumulated 72 journals. They have been my constant companion - traveling with me as l lived in 11 different states and coming along as I visited various places throughout the world. On occasion I would try to re-read these journals without success. It was just too hard to look back to see who I had been, or what had happened along the way. In January 2022, I decided it was time. It was time to go back in time. I wanted to face my past and tackle this albatross I carried with me. The journals needed to have some meaning in my life other than the physical and psychological baggage I lugged around all these years. Starting with Book #1 and reading word-for-word, in order, my lifetime of experiences that shaped me. It was extremely difficult to come face to face with certain slices of my life, but I plowed through each one searching for answers and for my truth. I was determined to find out and to confront my demons face to face, head-on.

Hindsight is so much easier after the fact. How we judge ourselves, view our past and who we were through the lens of who we are now. I have created these visual pieces to reflect upon some of the monumental events that shaped my life and hopefully they will resonate with you, the viewer. We are more alike than different. But all of our experiences and how we react to them are uniquely our own. I was Gay. Growing up when I did was very challenging and made my story much different than the straight accepted norm of the day. In these current times of bigotry reasserting itself in the world, I hope we can all be aware of the issues that "others" face every day. Whether that "other" is a different color, sexuality, gender, and so on and so on. As it turns out, journals aren't really a hiding place but rather a finding place. Despite the fact that they are basically one-sided stories and just a sliver of my truth and a sliver of my days on this Earth. I can admit that my life was not typical - I had a lot of unique experiences. I'm grateful for it all, because I put myself out there. I wasn't afraid of taking chances, afraid of risk or allowing my heart to be crushed. That's just me. Ruth Ella Crowe.

Gay Tomboy

I grew up as a kid in the 60's/70's. Not a great time to be Gay. But honestly, I didn't know I was "Gay". I was just a tomboy through and through. I looked like a boy. Other kids always asked me if I was a boy or a girl. It made me mad and hurt my feelings but I didn't know why. People like to think it's a "choice" to be Gay. But it's not by choice, it's by no other choice. I just was who and what I was - nothing more, nothing less. But, I was always made to feel like there was something very wrong with me. Therefore, I escaped into myself and sports. I was a good athlete and I found it was the perfect place to hide and spend hours alone practicing my skills. I became the ultimate Gay.

Spotify Link to Audio

She Was A Helluva Guy

Sports represented a chance for me to feel good about myself and I loved every minute that I got to be an athlete. I loved practicing and trying to see just how good I could get. I always practiced on my own (of course) or with the boys. It was my safe haven. It was where I succeeded and developed any chance of a healthy self-esteem and I felt comfortable in my own skin for the first time. My journals contain stories from being an athlete who won a State title in basketball, a softball pitcher on a National Championship team, being a team handball goalie on the USA National team, and even just playing pickleball. It is a thread that runs through my journals. Anyone who knows me understands my obsessive competitive nature. I am not always a lot of fun to bowl with.

Spotify Link to Audio

Keep the Secret

Double life. Stay in the closet. Lie. I grew up in a time when very few people were actually "out." Even Ellen was not out. Therefore, you learned how to survive by keeping your secret. And even if people thought you might be Gay, you never admitted to it. You always said you were too busy to date anyone. You never brought your partner with you to social events where you worked, and you never talked about them to family or co-workers. You never used pronouns. You just lived your double life and accepted that was the way it was. It was very difficult for me personally coming to terms with my Gayness. Living a life of deception because the world did not accept me or my "lifestyle." You were hated. Despised. Considered mentally unstable. Being a secret Gay meant you were the butt of jokes in mixed company, you had to hear the smears and derogatory comments about dykes and fags. You were invisible. You were considered to be perverse. I knew that if I wanted a certain career I would have to sacrifice some truth to myself. Keep it hidden. It wears on you. It wore on me. This lifestyle is a bitch. Who in their right mind would choose it?

Spotify Link to Audio

Location

Kirkhof Center Wall Gallery
Kirkhof Center, Allendale Campus
1 Campus Drive
Allendale, MI 49401

For directions and parking information visit www.gvsu.edu/maps.

Contact

For special accommodation, please call:
(616) 331-3638

For exhibition details and media inquires, please email:
Joel Zwart, Curator of Exhibitions
[email protected]

For learning and engagement opportunities, please email [email protected].