How to Support a Victim/Survivor

When someone you love and care for discloses that they have experienced sexual assault or intimate partner violence, you may not know what to say. These conversations are not easy and may not feel comfortable, so here are some tips and suggestions to respond with empathy when someone discloses an experience of violence. 

• Listen. Let the survivor know you care and are here to listen. You could say, “you’re not alone. I am here for you.” Let them share with you as much or as little as they want. While they are sharing, show active listening skills. You could ask open ended questions such as, "how are you feeling?" It is difficult to hear that someone you care about was hurt. Threatening the person who perpetrated is not helpful to the victim/survivor. Since survivors often know the person who assaulted them, it is important to be mindful of their feelings. The survivor may still care for that person. It is the survivor's decision on how they want to move forward.
• Thank them. Let them know that you appreciate that they trust you enough to share with you. You could say, “thank you for sharing with me” or "I'm really glad you told me about this."
• Believe. Tell the survivor, “I believe you.” Often survivors fear reporting or talking about a traumatic experience because they fear they won't be believed.  Let them know that they are not to blame for the incident. You can say things such as “it’s not your fault“ or "you didn't deserve that to happen to you." Never blame the victim or tell them that they aren't being truthful. Remember it is not your job to investigate. Avoid any “why” questions like, “why didn't you leave?” or “why didn't you call me?” Asking questions that lay blame on the victim are not helpful. It is never a victim's fault if they were assaulted or abused. 
• Show Support.  Let the survivor know that healing can take time and that their feelings are normal. “How you are feeling is normal.”
• Empower the victim/survivor. It is important to give the power back to victims. You can help identify support systems such as counseling or crisis centers. Encourage them to seek help. Let the person control what happens following an incident of violence. Don’t force them to report, call the police or go to the hospital. Support the survivor's decisions, even if you disagree with them. Ask questions such as:
  • "How can I help? What would you like to do?"
  • "Is it okay to hug you?" Never touch a victim without their consent. Even if you want to give someone a hug or show that you care through physical touch, it is important to ask first.
  • "Where would you like me to sit?"
• Take care of yourself, too. It is normal to feel an array of emotions when you learn someone you care about has experienced violence. Many agencies that offer free services to victims also offer free services to family and friends affected by vicarious trauma after an incident of violence. The GVSU victim advocate is here to support anyone who has been affected by gender based violence.

October - Domestic Violence Awareness Month

January - Stalking Awareness Month

April - Sexual Assault Awareness Month